Hello 4 kids, goodbye any last remaing bit of sanity that I may have had...
Life these days is an adjustment. Baby Tate is such a blessing and we really love having him here. The other kids are a different story... :) I've really been struggling with the older kids lately. I never thought I was a great Mom to begin with, but these guys have me convinved I might as well stop trying. Dallin was the first to start acting out when we brought the baby home. There was the disobedience, the loud noises trying to attract attention, and being plain out defiant. The list goes on and on. As the days go by, he gets a little better, and some days are better than others. However, Cody has stepped right into Dallin's shoes and taken over the job of little terror. No matter what I try I cannot convince these guys to be good. Cody likes to randomly yell things at us (usually while in time out). Things like, "Oh yeah, well I'm gonna make you stupid!", or "then I'm gonna bite your shorts." Those are mixed in with a nice death threat here and there. We can't help but laugh at some of the things he says, but seriously, I'm ready for some good behavior.
We have tried chore charts in the past. A vain attempt to establish some sort of routine and responsibility, those did not work. We have tried spankings, timeouts, naughty chairs, tobasco (I don't reccomend that), taking toys away, sending kids to bed, yelling/ screaming, stomping out feet and pulling our hair out, but, low and behold nothing has worked. Surprise Surprise!
Some days I feel like I am at the end of my rope and I just can't take it anymore. If that feeling hits at bedtime, then it's not too bad because I can just go to bed. When that feeling hits at lunch time, or even before, I know it is going to be a horrible day. Today was one of those.
So, what to do. I would love to have my Mom come move in and take over the disciplinary responsibilities. (I didn't act like this as a kid, so my parents must have done something right.) None the less, I know that will never happen. What about Super Nanny?? I'm thinking I've got to call in some outside resources and she's about the only one I can think of.
Anyway, if you have some good advice that won't give me a guilt trip (I'm already feeling bad enough), please pass it along. Even some words of encouragement would be nice, something that will help me make it through another day. (I know my sister will say "next time don't have your kids so close together.") Advice that might actually be helpful is preferred. :) Anyway, thanks in advance for the help! I hope everyone else is having a WAY better day than me!
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Leia, I wish I had some wise words of wisdom to give you but I don't think that I do. I will tell you that I think that you are a wonderful mother to your children. When we lived with you guys for a few weeks I remember that I admired your skills as a mother. You are very patient, kind speaking, hard working, you take the time to play with your kids and make them laugh, you teach them what is important, and you do so much more. I'm not just saying all of this but I really have thought that I think you are an amazing person. I have spent time with your kids and I can see what great people they are becoming because of what you and Brian have taught them. Love them and teach them of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ - which you are doing. I can't quite sympathize with you because I only have one little baby, but I know how you feel sometimes. Motherhood is definitely not meant to be easy but it is such a blessing. Not that I would base my parenting style on what someone else suggests since all kids are different, but I have found some books to be helpful for some things. "Healthy sleep habits happy child" is one that I love. There will be those bad days but there will also be those great days and happy moments. If you ever need to escape and need someone to talk to you are welcome to vent your frustrations out to me. I don't have great advice but I could try and think of a good joke for you that day or something. Well hang in there, things will get better. And don't be too hard on yourself - you are a great mom and wife. Really, you are.
ReplyDeleteLeia, sorry you're having such a bad day! I can totally sympathize with how hard more than one can be! Henry has really been challenging us since we had the baby and there are lots of days I feel at the end of my rope. I can't even imagine how hard 4 must be. But don't be too hard on yourself--just the fact that you are worried about it means you are trying the best you can and that's all you can do. I think I actually needed that advice today! And just think--Dallin starts school in the fall. Then you will have a little bit more time to juggle the others!
ReplyDeleteI thought of something else. Have you signed up for Parents as Teachers? We just started a few months ago and our parent educator is great. They come once a month and work with your kids and talk about any of your concerns about eating, sleeping, learning, behavior. Basically everything about your kid's development. She's given us some great ideas for Henry. Anyway, it might be nice to have an objective third party who could come and give you some ideas and suggestions to make your life easier. It's also been really helpful for me just to have another person to voice my concerns to or just ask " is this normal??"
ReplyDeleteHyrum is looking into buying a tranquizer(sp) for our kids. So your not alone. We do feel for you guys, hang in there. There are so many days when I have felt that way, when the kids do something that makes you think- REALLY, REALLY! Where you wonder who taught them to act that way and you really can't see a solution. I feel your pain. Here is the good news: those feelings are fleating and will soon be gone. Just the fact that your looking for answers will help a ton. The other thing that helps a ton is when the dad steps in and really helps on days when you feel like if relief doesn't come soon, you'll be on the night time news. So come up with a catch phrase like, "Brian if I don't get some help now, I am going to be on the news." Your kids won't know what that means and he should know that your at your breaking point and eagerly offer to help because you need his help. So really my advice is not to you it is to my brother, START HELPING YOUR WIFE MORE!
ReplyDeleteWe totally understand how you feel. Continue to have hope that there will be better days. What has worked for us, though it may not help you is to lower our expectations for our kids and decide what battle we're going to fight. Having four, it will get better in several months. Until then, hang in there and pray a lot.
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